Ohana Promises Absolution of Sin for all Polar Palooza Attendees
- By The Hyena
- Jan 4, 2017
- 1 min read
In a move of desperation, after a lack of student sign-ups for the Polar Palooza, Ohana sent out an email tonight promising the eternal salvation of all paying attendees of the snow-tubing event. The event, scheduled for Friday the 6th is a trip to Snoqualmie for a night of snow-tubing that occurs annually in January through Bellarmine. After few students returned permission slips to S101 over Christmas Break, the Crew reportedly went into a panic, resolving to extend the deadline from the 3rd of January to the 4th of January, and send out another email, thinking that this would give students ample time and forewarning to register and pay for the trip.
After multiple E-Mails and school-wide announcements over the course of today failed to cause a response from the student body, Ohana grew increasingly worried. "There is still a day to go, of course," a representative of the group tells The Hyena, "but students rarely ever put things off until the last minute like this." The decision to send the email was reached late this evening, after putting multiple dollar signs in the subject line of the email failed to produce a response. "It was a hard decision, but if multi-colored text can't convince them to go, this is our only option." The group claims.
While it is at this point unclear if such actions are a valid expression of God's divine will, our correspondent informs The Hyena that the group will "worry about snow tubing now and potential theological repercussions later."
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