Bellarmine Tests New Way of Combatting Dirty Dancing: Removing Students
- By The Hyena
- Feb 8, 2017
- 2 min read
This Saturday's Tolo Dance, marked the beginning of a new chapter in the school's struggle to combat inappropriate behavior at school dances.
Bellarmine has long disapproved of "dirty dancing" at school dances, and has made every attempt to discourage the practice—including telling people to please stop, and writing about it in the official school newspaper. The administration's efforts however, have been met with a stubborn persistence in the disgusting practice on the part of students. But these days of moral compromise will soon come to an end.
"The Bellarmine Administration has devised several new programs that aim to grind the practice of dirty dancing to a halt," an anonymous faculty member tells The Hyena. One of these new programs looks to cut off the problem at its source: the students. "By removing students from the equation, the issue of dirty dancing will be mostly resolved," claims our correspondent. "Because over 90% of all instances of dirty dancing at Bellarmine-hosted events involve at least one student, this action stands to have a dramatic immediate effect."
As a test of this method, the school rescheduled the second women's encounter to conflict with this weekend's Tolo dance to observe the effect that lower attendance has on rates of dirty dancing. The results of the test show that the number of students dancing in a sexual manner decreased from previous years proportionally to the decrease in attendance. According to our informant, "While the per capita rate of dancing in a manner incongruent with Catholic standards of chastity was not appreciably affected, the net decrease demonstrates the viability of this tactic."
Bellarmine officials were pleased by the strategy's apparent effectiveness, and are enthusiastic to begin widespread implementation of these new tactics. In fact, the school has already scheduled this year's Junior Prom on the same day as the May SAT to further test the efficacy of this method.
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