Bellarmine Finally Realizes that All Non-Catholic Students are Amish
- By Lavender Gooms
- Sep 19, 2017
- 2 min read
To celebrate Bellarmine’s incredible diversity, the school recently implemented a special hour just for its Amish students. This hour, called “Sacred Hour,” lasts the duration of CP Mass. All technology is prohibited during this time, though this is irrelevant because the portion of the Bellarmine community which abstains from Mass doesn’t believe in technology anyway. The few despicable students who choose to stay in CP instead of worshipping God are expected to sit in solidarity with their Amish peers.
Most of these students understand and accept these consequences, “Oh yeah, solidarity. We learned about that in Service and Justice,” one student commented. (This elicited visible tremors of fear from the surrounding members of the junior class, but surprisingly not the sophomores, who must still be in the midst of the brainwashing phase.) During Sacred Hour, Bellarmine encourages students to practice mindfulness and search for God in all things, as the Jesuits do, instead of using their technology. This is proving to have a variety of positive effects on students. Now, students are memorizing entire pages of their online textbooks to use for Sacred Hour, or if they lack the mental capacity, copying down entire chapters in their notebooks. This is bringing about a new sense of appreciation for Bellarmine’s Amish population, who endure these hardships on a day-to-day basis. Many students have even come to spiritual revelations during this time, probably because using a piece of paper instead of their iPads leads to a tangible connection with the earth. One atheist student actually converted to Catholicism during Sacred Hour, citing “a breeze that came through the window of the upstairs A Building” as his encounter with the Almighty God. Unfortunately, Sacred Hour may be taking a concerning toll on some students. One anonymous student confessed, “I just don't know what to do. I mean, I’m not Catholic but I’m not Amish. During CP now, I go to the diversity office to cry. It’s the only place I feel like I belong.” However, as this seems to be an uncommon issue, Bellarmine recommends students with this concern schedule the next available appointment with their assigned guidance counselor. Expect it to be in May sometime.
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