The More Religion Classes the Better, Studies Show
- By Susan Bones
- Sep 19, 2017
- 1 min read
Breaking News from The Vatican: Copious religion classes put kids right on track to becoming model disciples of the Lord. After intense research from all-male scientists residing in Vatican City, Pope Francis reported that the more indoctrinating religion classes students can attend before the age of eighteen, the better off they will be on their faith journey. Researchers revealed that children who began their education at Catholic Schools and continued through high school were more likely to be confirmed and continue as active members of their faith community. Studies further prove that classes with real discussion about religion are counter productive to a healthy relationship with God. "Yes, the more boring and brain washing the better," one Archbishop said.
With this revelation Bellarmine plans to re-instate the beloved Prayer and Sacraments class as a required course and make Service and Justice a three year program. "We are hoping to add a couple more classes, but just haven't worked out which core subjects should be canceled to make room for them in the schedule," a high ranking Bellarmine administrator informed faculty. The administrator went on to say, "We hope our students can soon become mindless drones programmed to do God's work." Teachers and student alike are excited about the new changes coming to Bellarmine's curriculum.
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