A Letter to Students Regarding Behavior at Homecoming

Dear Beloved Students,

We invite everyone to embrace a few new changes coming to school dances in light of the most recent homecoming. Here at Bellarmine we pride ourselves on our ability to work with and relate to our student body. After hearing the pleas of many on Senate, it is obvious students need a good night's rest before Sunday morning mass. It is unreasonable to hold dances until 11pm and expect full attendance at early morning services. From now on dances will start at 6pm. Students must leave any after parties by 9pm, to ensure they are properly rejuvenated for morning worship.

Additionally, as a school rooted in the Jesuit Tradition, our Catholic identity breathes the very life into this sacred institution. Prayerfully reflect upon this scripture verse: "For where there are two or three gathered in my name, there am I with them"

-Matthew 18:20

Social gatherings exist solely for spreading the Good News. These interactions prove too difficult when people are unable see their fellow disciples. For this reason, lights will be on during all future dances.

Previously, we graciously overlooked dress code violations, deeming it an unnecessary regulation. However, because dances will take place in a well lit gymnasium, we suggest you be "comfortably covered." We will enforce dress code for all upcoming dances. Please refer to the student handbook for any questions.

Furthermore, we acknowledge the imperfections that make us human. To deter anyone from succumbing to the evil temptations of Satan, we will only play Christian Rock at school dances, and encourage students to sway to the beat of Jesus's holy works. To give students and excuse to practice pure habits, chaperones will administer the "Trinity Bible Test" to verify that dancers are leaving enough room to fit three bibles between one another at all times.

Amidst a time of energetic praise to the Lord, our God, through song and dance, we understand a student's need for nourishment. For this reason, concessions will be open. Options include unleavened bread. At the counter please state whether you are a part of The Church so that our parent volunteers know if you can receive the host and if you are going to drag their children down to Hell with you.

Bellarmine frowns upon substance abuse, believing it a weapon of Satan. We know Bellarmine students would never use cocaine, even if it is snorted from the shape of a cross, however consecrated wine may be allowed. Those found in possession of other illicit substances should expect punishment according to school policy.

Lastly, Bellarmine praises those who wish to pull the fire alarm, as the sacred sprinkler water baptizes all in the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ. God Bless, Your PrinciPAL