A Guide to the People of Bellarmine

Types of People You May Encounter at Bellarmine

(A Somewhat Comprehensive Guide)

Students who are always late Give him a break. Maybe he slept through his alarm. Maybe the car didn’t start. Maybe the house blew up. Maybe he’s just returned from interplanetary space travel collecting data on gravitational singularities, befriended Matthew McConaughey, assured humanity’s survival, and managed to make it back in time for most of first period. Maybe you should thank him. Students with no parking lot courtesy Alternate. If you don’t understand, you belong in this category. Students who actually embody the Grad at Grad Open to growth, intellectually competent, religious, loving, committed to doing justice...it costs 60 grand (plus minor fees) to develop such a person. These qualities automatically raise your net worth. Students who will never ever experience destitution or even mild hardship Will you share your trust fund with me? Students without trust funds Sad face. If you don’t have a trust fund, can I really trust you? Students who have –$142.37 in their lunch account How can you bear the shame of typing in your ID and purchasing yet another rice bowl? There are “value sandwiches” you know... Students who drive “Dad’s old 2015 BMW” You do not know true agony until you are forced to drive a car that is too old to be new and too new to be vintage. Students who are Catholic Yay God! Students who are not Catholic/Unicorns Both are probably figments of your imagination. Students who don’t know what to believe Yay God? gods? Satan? The Void? Students who are cute and smart and funny and nice How. Students who are overly proud that they got a 1600 on the SAT, demonstrating their superiority over the 99.9% of the human population *Visibly check scores in every class even though they knew their scores before they came to school because they refreshed the page every two minutes from 5:23am until score release. All silently fist pump and, when no one cares, silently fist pump more noticeably* Students who don’t know how to drink Why is this a category. Students who like to say they know how to drink Why is this a category. Student who wins all the awards Singular. Awards don’t believe in plurals. There will only be one. Students who know how to play chess Leave the horsies behind because they still doesn’t understand them. Students who are actually good at chess e4, c5, Nf3, d6, d4...not a code...it’s a lifestyle. Students who just look too old to be students Blame #Movember Students who smile at you in the hallway Actual angels probably. If you believe in that sort of thing. (see: Students who don’t know what to believe) Students who Smash Students who smash Students that are #Blessed | He>I | #69 Lion Pride | BPREP | Matthew 5:30 | Finessing my way through life. Grind. GTR. AMDG. PNW. OK, we believe you. Students who despise change Yeah, sorry I took your seat today maybe we can talk this out? No? Ok... Students who always look like they’re going to the gym Just a curse. Do you really think I’d wear this Vineyard Vines shirt to the gym? Really? Have you ever been to a gym? Students who are #committed student-athletes “I’m going to run 10 miles every day while on this school trip,” he says. He doesn’t. Turns out it’s break week and commitment is tricky. Students who don’t experience stage fright Props. haha Others: Teachers Bless them. Except, like, when they do the thing where all seven of your projects are due on the same day. Oh, and the test is gonna be then too. Oh, and progress reports go out next week. They mean well. Good luck. Dinosaurs The faint whistling in the distance proves they still exist. Children experiencing Bellarmine Sometimes it is possible to catch glimpse of a child experiencing Bellarmine—truly an eye-opening experience into mankind’s primitive nature. They are often disoriented and frazzled, especially when separated from the large group. Do not confuse with freshmen. Freshmen are a little sensitive about this sort of thing, as with all things in life. People who wear crazy pants then say you have ten minutes to change out of yours because they’re black and have seams and are just plain unacceptable See: Students who always look like they’re going to the gym. Donors “No stoners, happy donors!” Lion’s Den Mothers A unique breed. Probably also donors. Sometimes offer free candy as reward for befriending their progeny. Jesuits Wise beings who inhabit the upper floor of Orton. Often seen transforming bread and wine into Jesus. People who don’t really get it See: Students with no parking lot courtesy; Students who despise change; Students who like to say they know how to drink; Children experiencing Bellarmine; People who...are just plain unacceptable; Students who are overly proud that they got a 1600 on the SAT, demonstrating their superiority over 99.9% of the human population; Students who are #Blessed; etc. People who do Thanks.